When I saw a listing for a cable show called Insane Coaster Wars, I turned it on, because I assumed it was a program about people who collect decorative or unusual coasters. It was about roller coasters, so I immediately stopped watching.
When I look at photos of Civil War soldiers, I try to decide which ones are cute.
When I sweep or rake, I picture myself as Mickey Mouse in the Sorcerer’s Apprentice segment of Fantasia, with his enchanted broom. Because I feel that manual labor requires a soundtrack.
When I order certain toppings for my Carvel ice cream cone, I think that asking for “colored sprinkles” sounds racist, and that asking for “rainbow sprinkles” sounds like a political statement.
Comparing different actresses who’ve played, or should play, Rose in Gypsy is the gay equivalent of fantasy football. Although now that I think about it, the words “fantasy football” sound incredibly gay. Fantasy Football sounds like a number that was cut from Grease II.