Florida Governor Rick Scott, when asked about gay marriage, replied, “People have a different view about it in our state. But in 2008, the voters decided that this state would be a traditional marriage state. It’s going through the court system. But what’s important to me is I don’t want anybody discriminated against.”
I’d like to help Governor Scott make even less sense. So in the future, he should feel free to use the following remarks:
“Here in Florida, gay people should be allowed to get married as long as one of the partners’ names is Susan. Our voters don’t care which partner.”
“Here at Florida’s world-famous Disneyworld, our voters believe that Mickey and Minnie should be allowed to get married, but if Mickey wants to marry Goofy, that would require a rabies shot and a flea collar.”
“I would like to see gay marriage in Tampa, but only partial gay marriage in St. Petersburg. That way people could chose, but everyone could still enjoy our beautiful sunshine.”
“If I was gay, I would get married in New York but purchase a second home in Coral Gables, where I would tell people that I was married, but then I’d laugh, so if those people were opposed to gay marriage they could think I was joshing.”
“I think our voters would agree that all sorts of marriages are allowed in Fort Lauderdale, but only over Spring Break, and only if both partners are drunk and wearing huge joke sunglasses.”
“Here in Florida the voters believe in traditional marriage, but if two male or female oranges wanted to get married, I’m sure that everyone would enjoy drinking the delicious juice which resulted from those marriages, especially on Sunday morning with vodka.”
