1. If you’d like to create an especially original tablescape for your Christmas Day family dinner, you have too much free time.
2. If you’re puzzled over how to dispose of a difficult item, such as a battery, a light bulb or an old cell phone, simply select any recycling bin and hide the item underneath whatever else is in there.
3. To eliminate a tricky stain, such as blood, red wine or grease, first thoroughly soak the area in white vinegar. Then place the fabric between two sheets of clean paper towels and press lightly with an iron set on a medium heat. Then roll the fabric in a white linen dishtowel and leave it in a cool, dark place overnight. Then throw it out.
4. If your young children grow fidgety during a long car trip, bring along a small duffel filled with books, games and snacks. Then leave the children at any police station or firehouse and never look back.
5. If you’d like to express your holiday gratitude to a special teacher, give them a colorfully wrapped tin of home-baked treats, and a hand-written note which says, “You’d be making more money at Arby’s.”
6. To create a memorable Yuletide eggnog, fill a punchbowl with eggnog, cinnamon sticks, tiny marshmallows and a human hand.
7. To preserve each year’s supply of Christmas cards from loved ones, ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?”
8. If your holiday season is being spoiled by endless family debates over the Duck Dynasty situation, just sigh, smile thoughtfully and remember that wise adage, “If ducks had guns…”
