This has been an especially fraught holiday season, and no one seems in the mood for caroling and egg nog. Here are a few possible solutions for holiday trauma:
– Gather your loved ones and begin singing “Deck The Halls.” When you get to the first Falalalala, say “fuck it” and stop.
– Think about touring the holiday-themed windows on Fifth Avenue and visiting the tree at Rockefeller Center, then ask yourself, “Am I out of my mind?” and stay home instead.
– Consider attending some sort of religious ceremony, but then obsessively follow the news on TV and online instead.
– If your kids keep asking about when Santa’s going to get here, stare at them and ask, “Who are you?”
– Remember that the forecast for Christmas Day, at least on the East Coast, involves unseasonably warm temperatures and rain, which feels appropriate.
– If you’re feeling especially overwhelmed, remind yourself that within a few years, we’ll have luxury resort hotels in Cuba.
