“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

July 21, 2015

Today’s Delusions

5_19When a car is backing up, and the little video screen on that car’s dashboard streams footage of whatever is behind the car, I like to believe that the screen is showing a new TV show called “WATCH OUT!!!”

When I Skype, I always believe that whoever I’m Skyping with is actually onboard a Soviet space station.

When I sit in a massage chair, I sincerely believe that there are elves imprisoned in the chair, rubbing my lower back, and that someday, either the elves will organize and demand at least a salary, or that the chair will stop working and I’ll rip it open with a boxcutter and find hundreds of tiny elf bodies, dead in a suicide pact.

When chalk grafitti covered the facade of a recently gut-renovated, zillion-dollar brownstone, I decided that the grafitti was actually a feng shui project on behalf of the new owners. The terrifying thing about this delusion is – I may be right.

I believe that mosquitos and spiders take a profound personal delight in biting human beings, and brag about it.

Blognick