Don’t call yourself a survivor, unless you’re being carrried out of whatever just happened to you on a stretcher. Appearing on Survivor does not make you a survivor; appearing on Survivor just makes you grimy and smelly.
Don’t call yourself brave, just because you’ve broken up with your boyfriend. If that makes you brave, then what should we call a firefighter? Unless, of course, the firefighter’s also just broken up with your boyfriend.
Don’t call yourself a rebel, unless you’re prepared to wear a little Confederate cap and die at Gettysburg.
Don’t call yourself a hero, unless you’re working at Subway and tormenting your fellow employees by putting your head inside a bun and saying, “Look at me! I’m a hero!”
Don’t call yourself an outlaw, unless you’re under six years old and wearing a little red cowboy hat with a drawstring under your chin.
