Whenever a handsome, hunky young actor appears on the scene, the following groups of people, without a shred of evidence, will announce that this actor is gay:
1. Straight guys, who don’t want the competition
2. Gay guys, who are desperate to believe that they’d somehow have a chance with this new dreamboat
3. Straight women, who don’t want to be burned again by falling for another gay guy
Only lesbians seem immune from this syndrome. And as a rule, no one ever cares about outing character actors.
Here is the unassailable proof of the star’s gayness, which members of the above groups will offer, both online and everywhere else:
Their cousin went to college with a guy who slept with a guy who slept with the actor.
The actor is married to an older woman and/or has adopted children, which are all dead giveaways.
The actor has turned down gay roles, for fear of being outed.
The actor has played gay roles, far too convincingly.
The actor has nice hair.
The actor works out.
The actor has good manners.
Oh come on, please, everyone knows the actor is gay.
Here’s the only problem with all of this:
The big-name closeted movie stars have been trailed by endless photographic evidence and lawsuits, so there’s not much of a mystery there.
Tom Cruise has been a huge international star for thirty years. If he was secretly gay, does anyone really believe that some ex-boyfriend wouldn’t have sold his story by now?
And yes, years ago, a desperate gay porn star sued Tom Cruise; this suit was instantly dismissed and was clearly nonsense.
I’m not quite sure why so many people have a visceral need for Tom Cruise to be gay. This need can turn ugly and oddly homophobic. Isn’t it healthier to celebrate all of the many wonderfully talented, openly gay performers?
And yes, bringing your Mom as your date to the Oscars or the Golden Globes can look a bit suspicious, but it’s never definitive.
