I once took an acting class taught by a very sweet woman who’d led a sheltered life. She was directing an actress in a scene where the character had to express revulsion. The teacher grew highly agitated and said, “I want you to think of the absolute worst thing you can possibly imagine! I want you to think of…SNOT!”
I have a dear friend who has an immaculate apartment. He once arrived home to discover a single sheet of blank white paper on his gleaming glass dining room table. He turned to me and said, without a shred of irony, “I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS!”
When I first went away to college, my mother would call me and ask about my apartment, saying, “It’s filthy, isn’t it? Just admit it. I can only imagine what it looks like, and smells like – are there bugs?” To torment her, I’d say, “You’re totally right. There are cockroaches the size of cocker spaniels. Oh my God, here comes one right now! It’s huge! It’s tipping over the garbage can! AHHHH!!!!”
Then I’d hang up.
My mother had the ability to hear grime.
With regard to organic, “green” cleaning products, my mother would say, and I agree with her, “Oh please. That’s just a spray bottle full of dirt.”
