I discovered this garment, from designer Rick Owens, on Gilt Groupe. It’s called the Long Jungle Vest:
I’ve been trying to decide where I might wear my Long Jungle Vest. Here are some options:
To my cousin’s wedding, where I would ask, “Wait, didn’t the invitation say Black Tie or Long Jungle Vest?”
To a cocktail party, where I could tell everyone, “You see? Doesn’t it look better without sleeves?”
To the office, where if anyone looked at me oddly, I would say, “Oh my God, what’s wrong? Do I have something in my teeth?”
This next look is called the Nylon Island Jacket:
I could wear it:
When I’m visiting Nylon Island.
When my Long Jungle Vest was at the dry cleaners.
When I was working in either a public school cafeteria, or at a car wash.
This last item is called the Smock Tee:
I think it would work:
At a job interview which involved the words, “Rinse, please.”
If I was attending a costume party as a Mocha Latte.
At my inauguration as the Mayor of Nylon Island.