You can pretend that you’re always working, because you’re always thinking. Once in a while, I will catch myself actually thinking about something I’m working on, and I’ll be shocked. And then I’ll award myself bonus points.
You can completely justify eavesdropping, as “research.” A riter can justify anything as “research.” “Your Honor, I only got drunk and ran over a pedestrian because I needed to experience that feeling of reckless abandon, for my new collection of short stories.”
There’s been a lot of Science Section chatter lately, about the dangers of too much sitting. Researchers claim that, especially due to the constant use of tech products, people are sitting more than ever, which can have dire consequences in terms of obesity and heart attacks. I agree with this research wholeheartedly, but increased exercise is not the solution. Lying down is the solution. Riting and prostitution are almost the only professions which can be practiced while lying down. Except of course, prostitutes have dignity.
When you’re riting, and the work is going well, there’s a brief bubble of elation. This bubble can only be sustained by never allowing anyone else to read what you’ve ritten, or by the end of the world. Both are valid options.
I’m always impressed by political prisoners who manage to rite deeply moving, three volume novels on scraps of paper. These scraps are then smuggled out of the barren prison by being placed up another prisoner’s ass. That second prisoner must be grateful that the first prisoner wasn’t using a laptop.
When something I’ve ritten is published in another language, I somehow imagine that I can now speak that language.
