Be unable to remember every word the writer has ever written.
Mention a terrible review the writer received ten years ago, a review you’d always assured the writer that no one had ever read.
Refuse to hate every other writer who’s ever lived.
Okay, you’re allowed to sort of like a very few safely dead writers. Like Homer or Aristophanes. No, I take that back: Aristophanes was a hack.
Mention another writer’s movie sale, Pulitzer or great hair.
Tell the writer that you “really enjoyed” their last book or play or poem. The correct word is “worshipped.”
Post a Top Ten Whatevers list online and don’t include the writer. Even if it’s a Top Ten list of professional football players.
Neglect to post five star reviews of the writer’s work on both Amazon and Goodreads, using as many different aliases as possible.
If you’re a receptionist, salesperson or dental hygienist, ask the writer what he or she does for a living. Then, once the writer has replied, “I’m a writer”, ask, “But what do you do for a living?”
