– Female writers curl up on couches, draped in shawls, sipping a mug of tea using both hands. They do this while waiting for inspiration, or a handsome, rugged stranger, to arrive.
– Male writers either hunch over their keyboards in manly agony, or stride around their dishevelled apartments, slugging whiskey directly from the bottle. This is because, in order to prove their tormented masculinity, male writers must wrestle with their prose.
– In sophisticated rom-coms, writers will often work in teams. One partner takes the couch, while the other paces. If both partners are men, they will take turns crumpling up pieces of paper and tossing them into a nearby wastepaper basket, for sport. If one of the partners is a woman, she will hold a legal pad and do all the work, while the male partner stares out the window and whines about his love-life, not yet realizing that he’s really in love with his female writing partner. If both writing partners are female, they will discuss their favorite snacks, in minute detail.
– All writers, just before inspiration strikes, will shove their hands through their hair. This is because, especially in movies, writers are often played by attractive actors who have hair.
– Men write in cabins, like lumberjacks. Women write in isolated beachfront cottages, off-season.
– Female writers will usually come equipped with fetching, oversized hornrimmed eyeglasses, which they will remove once a man appears.
– Male writers will often wear saggy sweatshirts with college logos, and a few days’ growth of beard. This boyish, Kerouac-style look only is only appealing on movie stars. In real life, male writers will dress this way, but they’ll smell.
– The bestlooking onscreen writer ever was George Peppard in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. He’s the only writer in history who looked great with his shirt off.