“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

December 28, 2013



People are always looking for parting-of-the-red-sea, instant-cure miracles, which are hard to come by. I prefer the following truly inexplicable wonders:

1. Flush toilets.

2. Airplanes. As with flush toilets, I know that science can explain how they work, but I will never understand these explanations.

3. Firefighters, doctors and nurses, teachers, police officers and sanitation workers.

4. My partner John, and our three imaginary children, who are away at boarding school and really no trouble at all.

5.The fact that Phil Robertson, the devoutly religious patriarch of the Duck Dynasty clan, is obviously going to hell.

6. Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani schoolgirl and activist, who was shot in the head by a Taliban gunman, because she supported the education of female students. This young woman is both unthinkably brave, and the opposite of Phil Robertson.

7. Whoever designed and built the parks which now almost encircle Manhattan.

8. Good dogs. I’m not going to include cats, just to spite them.

9. Lilac chocolate.

10. President Obama. And yes, I can now imagine so many people, both Democrats and Republicans, sputtering their complaints, which are sometimes valid, about President Obama. Two words: President Romney.

11. Anyone who wears anything with a rainbow on it, at the upcoming Olympics.

12. The fact that I was able to download the picture below, which is captioned “Unicorn Pooping a Rainbow.”