“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

May 26, 2014

My Weddng Day Advice to Kim and Kanye

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1. Let your love shine like a pure beacon of truth and beauty. In the great Kardashian tradition.

2. Kim: don’t listen to the haters – a tasteful wedding dress can absolutely include stretch lace, see-through mesh panels, and mosquito netting.

3. Kanye: Never Google Kim.

4. Even though Jay-Z and Beyonce snubbed your wedding in the most public way possible, take the high road. I’m sure they did have car trouble.

5. Kim’s previous two marriages don’t count, because they occurred on American soil.

6. Except for her virginity and a discount on her QuickTrim “Burn & Cleanse” diet pills, a sex tape involving peeing is the most precious gift a wife can bestow on her husband.

7. Kanye: Don’t worry, because Kim will never become anything like her mother, Kris. However, thanks to advances in cosmetic surgery, Kris has already become more like her daughter, Kim.

8. Kim: this is only your third embarrassing tabloid wedding debacle. Pace yourself.

9. If you have another daughter, be sure to name her Lil’ Kim. Or alternately, you could auction the rights to her name, so she might be American Airlines West, Marlboro Lights West or Best Western West.

10. Never go to bed angry. Or with any of Kim’s sisters.

11. Bruce Jenner is not transitioning and becoming a woman. He’s trying to enter Witness Protection.

12. Kim: The phrase “losing the baby weight” does not include abandoning the baby.

Blognick