Are fundamentalist Christian maniacs and fundamentalist Jewish maniacs jealous of fundamentalist Islamic maniacs? Are the Judeo-Christian maniacs thinking to themselves, “We could take over Des Moines, if we had more rocket launchers?”
Eric Cantor has been the highest-ranking Jewish member of Congress in history. After his recent, crushing primary defeat, did his mother remind him that “You’re still a nice boy”? Even though he’s not? I prefer his wife, Diana Marcy Fine, because she’s a lifelong liberal Democrat who, unlike her prissy husband, is pro-choice and supports gay marriage. That must make for an interesting seder.
Casey Kasem, the recently deceased, legendary DJ, was a very proper and respectful man. When his highly-rated America’s Top Forty program was still on the air, he refused to say the title of the song “I Want Your Sex”, instead referring to the hit tune as “George Michael’s latest.” When Casey wanted to make love to his wife, the alarmingly blonde, controversial Jean Kasem, would he tell her, “Hey honey, tonight, would you like to listen to George Michael’s latest?”
Years ago, when I was looking for a nursing home for my mother, I somehow got on an email list for something called “A Place For Mom.” Doesn’t this sound like it could be referring to a shoebox or a sound-proofed basement? And what about A Place For Dad?
At my gym, when I’m running slowly around the track, I’m sometimes easily passed by a ten-year-old girl. Is it wrong for me to yell, “Yeah, well come back in a few years after your self-esteem plummets, sweetheart”?