“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

August 11, 2014

Secrets For Dealing With Your Mom



Because my mother placed an extremely high value on cleanliness, I liked to walk into her always-spotless apartment and say, “How can you live like this?”

If your Mom is asking intrusive questions about your love life, just tell her, “I’ve met the most wonderful man, and I know you’re going to adore him. But when he gets here, please don’t mention the swastika on his forehead.”

If your Mom asks, “Why do you hate me?”, because you haven’t called her in 48 hours, reply, “How much time do we have?”

Whenever my Mom asked, “Is that what you’re wearing?” I’d always answer, “Does it need underwear?”

As a rule, if you’re in big trouble, and it’s your fault: Moms like gifts.

If right before you’re about to accompany her to a social event, your Mom turns to you and says, “Don’t embarass me”, respond with, “I was just going to tell you the same thing.”

Tell your Mom that you love her. This will make her very happy and deeply suspicious.