Because my mother placed an extremely high value on cleanliness, I liked to walk into her always-spotless apartment and say, “How can you live like this?”
If your Mom is asking intrusive questions about your love life, just tell her, “I’ve met the most wonderful man, and I know you’re going to adore him. But when he gets here, please don’t mention the swastika on his forehead.”
If your Mom asks, “Why do you hate me?”, because you haven’t called her in 48 hours, reply, “How much time do we have?”
Whenever my Mom asked, “Is that what you’re wearing?” I’d always answer, “Does it need underwear?”
As a rule, if you’re in big trouble, and it’s your fault: Moms like gifts.
If right before you’re about to accompany her to a social event, your Mom turns to you and says, “Don’t embarass me”, respond with, “I was just going to tell you the same thing.”
Tell your Mom that you love her. This will make her very happy and deeply suspicious.