In the great movie 42nd Street, when the star breaks her leg, the producer makes a memorable speech to the terrified understudy. This is the classic you’re-going-out-there-a-frightened-little-girl-but-you’re-coming-back-a-star! speech. One of things the producer says, to inspire the young lady, is something along the lines of, “Think of the two most glorious words in the English language: musical comedy!”
In this spirit:
The two most disgusting words in the English language: Wet sneakers.
The two most depressing words in the English language: Interactive theater.
The two most spiritual words: Cashew turtles.
The two most useful words: Thank you.
The second two most useful words: Fuck off.
The two happiest words: Rent free.
The two words which inspire the most relief: It’s benign.
The two most terrifying words: I do.
The two most absurdly encouraging words: Extra strength.
The two most prayed-for words: Not guilty.
The two friendliest words, even when used during intense S&M sex: Good doggie!
The two most irritating words: Bill O’Reilly.
The two most delightful words: Tina Fey.
The two sexiest words: Real butter.
The two most longed-for words, for a child: Snow day.
The two most longed-for words, for a parent: Sleep in.
The two most intriguing words: Adults only.
The two most elegant words: Noblesse oblige.
The two least elegant words: Permanent press.
The two most shamefully satisfying words: Rave review.
The two most necessary words: Toilet paper.
The two most worrisome words: Black ice.
The two least worrisome words: Vanilla Ice.
The two most dangerous words: Why not?
The two most romantic words: Billion dollars.
No, I was kidding, the two most romantic words are really: Trillion dollars.
No, come on, let’s get real, the two most romantic words: Right now.