One of the many things I love about books is that you can enjoy them without changing your clothes, or leaving your apartment. You don’t have to leave your couch or even sit up. Reading a book is easier than eating, because you don’t have to chew, which can become exhausting.
When it comes to seeing movies or shows, I have far more complex standards:
1. I want to see the show so much that I will make arrangements in advance and pay for a full-price ticket.
2. I want to see the movie enough to battle the crowds on the opening weekend.
3. I want to see the show enough to purchase a half-price seat at the TKTS booth, or if I know someone involved in the show, I’ll lean on them for a freebie.
4. I want to see the movie enough to wait until the second or third weekend, and I’ll ask friends who’ve already seen it if I should bother.
5. If someone comes to my home, dresses me, carries me to the theater, and provides ice cream afterwards, I’ll go see the show.
6. I’ll pay to watch the movie on cable.
7. I’ll ask someone who’s seen it to describe the show to me in under three sentences, which will be completely satisfying.
8. I’ll search online for a movie’s shocking surprise twist, which will be plenty.
9. I won’t even be able to finish reading the first paragraph of a capsule review of the show or movie.
10. I won’t be able to remember the title of the show or movie.
11. I will viciously attack the show or movie, and anyone who liked it, based on nothing.
12. I’ll accidentally watch a few seconds of the movie when it’s on HBO, and quickly surf to Home Shopping.
