1. If there is a heaven, what prevents the people who get to go there from feeling smug and superior?
2. Are the people in Ukraine as concerned about John Travolta’s hairpiece as they should be?
3. A policeman was photographed at the police station, carrying Justin Beiber’s urine specimen for Justin’s drug test. For at least a split second did that policeman think “Ebay”? For another split second did he think, “I have a teenage daughter. If I give this to her, she will become so popular”?
4. There’s now an Italian magazine devoted to the Pope and Catholic teachings, called Il Mio Papa. Does it have horoscopes? Is there a page of candid photos called “Jews – They’re Just Like Us”? Will there be comparison photos of various Archbishops on Easter Sunday, under the heading, “Who Wore It Best”?
5. Last week on Good Morning America, the entire ABC news team was forced to participate in a “Let It Go” sing-a-long, for a peak moment in televised embarrassment. When anchorperson David Muir threw out his arms and mangled a few lines from the song, did this somehow prove that he both is and isn’t gay?
6. Charlie White is a figure skater who just won a gold medal in Sochi. Charlie has skated to, among other tunes, Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean, opera and a medley from My Fair Lady. He claims to be in a relationship with Tanith Belbin, a female figure skater, but says that they’ve had to keep their love a secret during competition. This is Charlie, with his skating partner Meryl Davis:
If Charlie is actually straight, which is entirely possible, would this be considered a shattering of the time-space continuum?
7. Are there now far more TV shows about serial killers than there are real-life serial killers? Could serial killers be a rare over-represented minority?
8. Is music the universal language, or Legos?
