I believe that people should be called whatever they would like to be called. This applies to anyone who would like to be called queer, transgendered or Inuit. It does not apply to anyone who would like to be called Melodee-Kaitlynn or Starminder.
There is nothing more tragic than wanting desperately to wear a color which you know will look terrible on you.
Today a tall, able-bodied young man, carrying a beer and a large bag of chips, asked me for money. I told him that I would only give him cash if he promised to use it to buy potpourri.
A recent study proved that using those cylindrical foam rollers is superior to pre-exercise stretching. However, when a person is using a foam roller while lying on a mat at the center of a crowded gym, they should not make noises which indicate childbirth.
I was watching a TV report on an LA newswoman who kept chattering away about how, following her DUI arrest, she’d hit bottom and was now ready to take responsibility for her life. At no point did she mention that her lips were so filled with collagen that they resembled air mattresses. But then I chastised myself for judging this woman, because maybe her lips were actually filled with vodka.
Whenever someone says “My Mom is my best friend”, I always think, “And that’s why you don’t have any other friends.”
Never give a child, or anyone else for that matter, more than two choices. These choices can include, “You can stop whining, or I can beat you to death with your Princess Jasmine doll.”
