Popular = Shallow and evil, especially if the character is blonde and/or rich
Orphan = Downtrodden, noble and reluctantly heroic
Depressed = Sensitive, bookish and secretly cute
Gay = Even better than depressed
Suicidal = Even better than gay
Jock = Bully, unless gay
Multi-racial friends = Absolutely necessary, especially for hugging
The future = A barren wasteland, thanks to the behavior of grown-ups
The past = Nonexistent unless there are teenagers present
The only person who can defeat the nasty grown-ups and save the world = A teenager
Playlist = The only true measure of a character’s soul
Slavery, Nazis, climate change and famine: Things grown-ups have created to deliberately hurt teenagers
A hot boyfriend = Something only a popular girl wants
A cute boyfriend, preferably with a crooked smile = Something awarded to a depressed, slightly chubby or dystopian warrior girl
A hat, personalized with buttons, fabric flowers or macabre doll parts = Proof of a female character’s intelligence and disdain for the popular girls
Divorce, drug abuse, alcoholism and parents with sex lives = Things which grown-ups do to prevent teenagers from studying and/or reading their favorite comic books
Social media = A tool for bullying
Vampires, zombies, unjustly accused criminals, people of other religions and races, people with disabilities or fatal illnesses = Potential boyfriends
Love = Something which only outcasts truly appreciate and deserve
Death = Almost as bad as having to switch to a new school
