“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

August 1, 2014

BEWARE

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The new film Child of God has arrived with an R rating and the following advisory: Gun violence, necrophila, on-screen defecation.

Here are some other recent advisories, for a variety of films:

Contains scenes of endless conversations between under-employed adults near Seattle, off-screen cars arriving, some snacking.

Poorly executed alien spacecraft, tight latex bodysuits on the wrong actors, destruction of international landmarks previously destroyed in other recent films.

Ape-on-ape violence, ape-on-man bittersweet friendship, apes clambering atop everything in their path.

Attempts at depth by television performers, wry looks between family members, lingering, pensive, carefully lit close-ups of star/writer/director.

Labored hijinks, careful camera angles on aging female star, desperate editing.

Constant triumphant music, carefully moussed bangs on aging male star, well-paid character actors stifling yawns.

Blognick