Contemplate Googling the Wikipedia entry on Labor Day, to learn the holiday’s history. Don’t do this.
Inspect an attractive young couple, in expensive, coordinated workout clothing, going for a run together, and checking their many devices which measure things like their heart rates and the length of their strides. Judge them.
Watch HGTV Househunters: Off The Grid, where a man moves his wife and two small children to an especially barren region of Australia, where the man intends to mine opals. Because the temperatures in this area regularly soar to over 100 degrees, most of the population lives in dugouts, which are lightless, underground homes. Calculate how long it will take before the pretty, timid young wife either leaves her husband or kills everyone involved. Do not judge her.
Think about doing the following: renewing your passport. Figuring out how to decrease your utility bills. Throwing out old, unread TV Guides. Do none of these things.
Welcome your houseful of guests, and keep them fed and entertained for the entire weekend. Then realize that these guests are imaginary. Then wonder, bitterly, why none of these imaginary guests brought a suitable gift or offered to help clear the table after dinner.
Express inner gratitude for the fact that the Panera Bread franchise offers so many items which combine dough, cinnamon, pecans and a nice sugary glaze.
