I adore Hillary Clinton just the way she is, and it must be nightmarish for any female politician to have to constantly deal with comments and advice on their appearance and likeability. But I’ll do anything to help Hillary get elected, so here are some options, to appease the haters:
Pigtails. Maybe with hidden wires, so they can curve upwards for a Pippi Longstocking insouciance.
Big pink bows, everywhere. Before Hillary makes any appearance, her stylist should command, “Think poodle!”
Bright red lipstick, applied in a permanent, welcoming grin, like the Joker.
Gingham aprons, worn over every outfit, accesorized with a mixing bowl and a spatula.
For the debates: a floral print onesie.
To confuse the pro-lifers: Instead of a briefcase, Hillary should always carry an adorable, lifesize baby doll, maybe in a Snugli.
To confuse the NRA stalwarts: a holster, with two polka-dot pistols, which Hillary can fire into the air, rootin’-tootin’ style, to underline a point.
