A friend of mine was recently told, by a minority activist, that he should begin every sentence he speaks, for the rest of his life, by saying, “As the recipient of unearned white male privilege…”
Of course the activist was correct, in claiming that white males are automatically awarded cultural advantages. But because my friend was gay, I thought that he should receive at least a few oppressed minority bonus points as well.
Whenever anyone says anything even mildly critical to or about me, I am always happy to call them homophobic and anti-semitic. For example, if my editor wants to change a comma in something I’ve written, I always reply, “Oh, you just want to ruin that sentence because I’m gay, right? How do you live with yourself?”
I’ve decided that from now on, I’m going to begin every sentence with, “As the recipient of unearned white male privilege, somewhat diluted by Judiasm, homosexuality and the fact that I have a large nose…”
Wait. Maybe I should concentrate on the nose card. After all, my nose is genetic. I can’t wear certain eyeglass frames because they make my face look like a railroad crossing signal. I’ve probably lost jobs to people with tiny, upturned, master-race little button noses. And why is “nosy” considered such an undesireable trait?
It’s never easy to play discrimination poker. Because I know that sooner or later, someone will raise the ante by saying, “Oh, yeah? Well just try being a woman with a big nose…”
