Without any effort from me, I would like my PC to hack into the personal information of everyone who works at Time-Warner and then contact them with messages like, “Maybe if you had helped Paul Rudnick re-boot his computer then you wouldn’t have to see your parole officer so often.”
When I’m walking behind a stranger who’s checking their phone on the street and blocking the entire sidewalk, I want an app that will allow me to text that stranger’s phone with messages like “Please excuse me for trying to use 45th Street which I know is your personal property”, “I’m sure that you’re talking to the President of the Universe and not just your friend Jessica” and “Your phone is wired to explode in five seconds if you don’t hurl it into the gutter. One…two…three…”
I’d like my PC to have a mood function, which would cause not just the screen but the keyboard and everything else to change color or pattern in accord with my state of mind. When I was angry pulsating flames would appear and if I was sad there’d be daisies and cookies and sobbing Care Bears.
When I’m working on the computer I would like spontaneous comments to appear in the margins, with encouraging phrases like, “Good point!”, “Well put!” “OMG, I was thinking that exact same thing, only you’ve said it so much better!” and “Excuse me, did Paul Rudnick just lend his computer to Leo Tolstoy?”
