“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

February 20, 2014

16 Billion


It’s been reported that Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook have just paid 16 billion dollars for WhatsApp, a mobile messaging service. Here are some other things Mark could do with 16 billion dollars:

1. He could buy St. Petersburg, Florida and re-name the town
St. Zuckersburg.

2. He could market an online game called Angry Zuckerbirds.

3. He could pay everyone in the world one dollar to say, “No, Mark, I like you for you.”

4. He could give the money to his wife with no strings attached, and then he could leave the toilet seat up, just to see if she’d say, “I can’t live like this!” and dump him.

5. He could get a better haircut.

6. He could rent a space shuttle, fly to the moon and sit there for a few hours, scarfing Lucky Charms and watching porn, without his Mom knocking on the door and asking him what he was doing.

7. He could give Bono all the money to build schools in Afghanistan, on the condition that Bono write an arena anthem called “In The Name Of Mark.”

8. To counteract the effect of The Social Network, he could produce a movie about his life, starring Justin Bieber as the young Mark Zuckerberg, who could’ve been a pop star but instead decided to help humanity by allowing people everywhere to post photos of themselves hugging their BFFs in Cancun.