“I was quoted out of context”, they mean: I was quoted accurately, and the revelation of my true hatefulness angered people, but I want everyone to still love me and buy whatever product, TV show or album I’m hawking.
“I never meant any disrespect to anyone”: My gay manager told me that I can’t alienate any potential fanbase.
“I was just saying what I believe, and I hope that others who believe differently will respect my beliefs”: God loves me and hates you.
“I am sincerely sorry for offending anyone”: I am sincerely sorry that I got caught saying something so stupid, even though I meant every word.
“I believe in the true American ideals of compassion, understanding and love for all of my fellow human beings”: Wait, tell me again why belonging to the Klan is a bad thing?
“Everyone who knows me will tell you that I am a fundamentally kind and openhearted person”: And by everyone who knows me, I mean the lawyer who actually wrote this apology.