“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

September 25, 2015

At The Barricades

Police CarLast night I went to a movie on West 55th Street, between 5th and 6th Avenues, just as the Pope was appearing at St. Patrick’s Cathedral a few blocks away on Fifth Avenue. I was meeting friends, but I got there early, and a few minutes later, when my friends arrived, they couldn’t get to the theater because the entire block had been barricaded, with fences and stanchions and a garbage truck parked sideways. There were police officers everywhere, making sure no one got through. I chatted with the officers, who were incredibly nice; they’d been working since early morning and would be on duty till 4 AM. Try as I might, I couldn’t schmooze the officers into letting my friends through: the scene was just like the first act finale of Miss Saigon, when a helicopter descends and some people get to leave Vietnam while others are forced to remain on the ground and continue singing.

I considered skipping the movie and heading to St. Patrick’s, to see if the Pope might wave me over and tell me how much he enjoys my work. I would of course, blush and say, “It’s mutual!” and we’d hug. The Pope’s cute translator, Msgr. Mike, would hand me a card with the address of the Papal after-party. We’d all hang out and chat about Trump and the new season of Empire and how hard it is to dry-clean the Pope’s white outfit.

But instead the police finally re-opened the block and my friends and I went to the movies.I texted the Pope, “Later!” and I knew he understood.

Here’s what the evening would’ve looked like, if you substitute me for President Obama.