There’s been some hubbub lately, over the fact that various fast food franchises and big box stores have required their employees to greet customers as “guests.” This can be degrading to both the cashiers, salespeople and servers involved, and the folks they’re dealing with. Here are some additional options for that first interaction:
“Welcome. I bet we both wish we could do better.”
“Hi. Let’s take a moment to sincerely and silently judge each other.”
“Hey there. This is my fake smile, let’s see yours.”
“Thank you for coming to Taco Belle. I promise not to tell anyone you’re here. Again. Today.”
“Nice to see you. I’m only working here temporarily to put myself through college and support my family. Oh, and to buy crystal meth. THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE THINKING, WASN’T IT? YOU’RE STILL STEREOTYPING ME EVEN IF YOU’RE RIGHT.”
“How may I help you? Maybe by steering you away from the pot roast?”
“Good morning, and yes, we do sell firearms! I know you didn’t ask, I was just guessing!”
“Have a blessed day, or go fuck yourself. Do you really think I care?”
