“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

June 12, 2014

Driving While Gay


Texas Governor Rick Perry, in a speech he gave in San Francisco on Wednesday night, said that, “Whether or not you feel compelled to follow a particular lifestyle or not, you have the ability to decide not to do that. I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.” Perry has often equated being gay with being an alcoholic, and of course he’s absolutely right, because the conditions are identical. Here are some things which I’ve done while under the influence of homosexuality:

– While driving gay, I once killed a busload of schoolchildren. With an offhand remark.

– I once became visibly gay at a party, and I vomited. Because of the wallpaper.

– A policeman once pulled me over and administered a test to determine how gay I was. The policeman was one of the Village People.

– I once became so gay that I lapsed into a coma. This was right after seeing Gypsy, Cage Aux Folles and Follies all in one weekend.

– I like to think of myself as only an occasional homosexual, but sometimes my gayness gets much worse. Sometimes I wake up gay.

– I once became so gay that I thought Rick Perry was cute. That was when I knew I needed help.