“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

April 14, 2015

Election Anxiety

inform-your-vote-with-these-6-presidential-campaign-apps-faa5ef2099As any presidential race ramps up, I become consumed with fear, whenever the media focuses on some nightmarish new candidate. I become convinced that these repulsive blowhards have a real shot, even if they almost always implode within a few weeks. Remember the wild speculation over, say, Rick Santorum or Rick Perry or another run by Sarah Palin? So many pundits are willing to write Cassandra-like op-ed pieces, on why Chris Christie or Ben Carson or Bobby Jindal will be our next President.

Here are some tips for avoiding the sort of jitters which can destroy so many innocent brain cells:

– Don’t read lengthy think pieces about any candidate, including the people you support. These pieces will rarely contain any new information.

– Never trust the wild-eyed opinion of any lower-level campaign official wearing red, white and blue clothing and holding a sign reading So-and-So 2016.

– Only skim the first paragraph of any candidate’s announcement that he or she is running for office.The rest will be blather. You can also ignore all campaign videos, unless you’re really interested in watching cross-sections of people getting misty-eyed about the American Dream and A Better Tommorrow.

– Ignore creepy old guys like Dick Cheney, who’ll say anything to get back on camera.

– Wait for the debates, which are less easily controlled by the candidates and their teams.

– Ignore polling, because the numbers will only give you either a stomachache or false optimism, and everything will change within 24 hours.

– Try to avoid hysterical people, who will insist that if so-and-so wins, they’re moving to Canada.