“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

November 28, 2013

Everything Looks Delicious

Because this year, Chanukah and Thanksgiving coincide, I’ve been wondering what would’ve happened, if Jews had been invited to that first Thanksgiving:

1. Someone would’ve brought dessert, in a white cardboard box from a nice bakery.
2. At least one of the Jewish settlers would have been very upset over the way the Pilgrims were treating the Native Americans, and would’ve written a serious, Pulitzer-finalist musical about the situation, entitled “No Thanks.”
3. A Jewish settler would’ve complimented her Pilgrim hostess on how lovely the table looked. But secretly, that settler would’ve been thinking, “Do we really need all of those crepe paper turkeys?”
4. One of the Jewish guests would’ve commented, “It’s like Passover, with benches.”
5. There would’ve been a seperate children’s table.
6. A Jewish settler might’ve complimented a Native American guest on her hand-beaded poncho, mentioning, “I love that look. And it’s seasonless.”
7. If there were leftovers, the Jewish guests would’ve wrapped them up and forced the Native Americans to take them, insisting, “It’s going to be a long winter, so you’ll need a snack.”
8. One of the Jewish guests would’ve brought a sweater and asked, “Why are we eating outdoors? In November?”