“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

July 7, 2015

Great Moments In Infomercial History

final.final_.final_.crepe_Perhaps the greatest infomercials of all belonged to Cher, who, years ago, extolled the virtues of various shampoos and conditioners while wearing a wig. Cher’s Aquasentials line of cosmetics included a serum called, if I remember correctly, the Miracle Lift. A few drops of this serum provided an instant facelift, and Cher discussed how she’d used Miracle Lift on only one side of a male crew member’s face. The result? “He looked like he had a stroke!” said Cher, triumphantly.

My latest favorite involves Jane Seymour, who rivals only Suzanne Somers in her willingness to sell absolutely anything. In Jane’s current ad she shows off her killer bod by asking something like, “Why would a 62-year-old woman wear a bikini on the beach?” The answer, of course, would be, “Because she’s being paid to.” Instead, Jane insists that her supple skin is the result of a product called Crepe Erase. In a later vignette, Jane and a co-host test the product by using two biscuit-sized circles of cookie dough. One circle is left untreated, and becomes cracked and dry. The other circle has been slathered with Crepe Erase for a week, and it’s smooth and ageless, without stretch marks. Jane is stunned and delighted because from now on, all of her cookie dough is going to look FLAWLESS.

The tragedy of this infomercial is that Jane never nibbles any of the cookie dough. She could say, “It’s not only incredibly youthful-looking, it’s delicious!”

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A product called Secret Hair has returned. These are hair extensions attached to an elastic band and the models demonstrate by removing them. It’s truly creepy, because I always expect the models to keep going and remove their prosthetic legs, their teeth and maybe their glass eyes. Best of all is a subsidiary product called Secret Bangs, which are attached to headbands.

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Blognick