“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

February 5, 2014

I Need To Know


1. Is taking a position on the Woody Allen/Dylan Farrow situation now a condition of American citizenship? At least online?

2. Even though I never met Philip Seymour Hoffman, should I still post a personal vignette of our relationship?

3. With regard to the fur parka which Joe Namath wore at the Superbowl, and which was fashioned from coyote and mink: is it more acceptable to wear the pelts of creepier animals? And was Joe’s hairpiece also coyote?

4. Why do female meteorologists seem so much more trustworthy than the guys? Is it because so many weatherdudes have frosted their hair to look like they’re playing mah jong with my Aunt Sylvia, by the pool in Boca, in 1982?

5. Do I enjoy watching both the Today Show and Good Morning America specifically because the camraderie between all of the many hosts has gotten so desperate? Why does it seem as if very soon, Samantha Guthrie or Robin Roberts are going to bring a gun to work?

6. While I was watching the brave Mayor DiBlasio zoom down that toboggan they set up on Superbowl Boulevard in Times Square, why did I keep hoping to see Chris Christie do the same thing?

7. When I read about a couple who’d both taken out restraining orders against each other, why did I find it romantic?

8. Remember that exhibit, which has toured the world, of actual human bodies with the skin removed? Why do I want to see those bodies combined with Legos?

9. Why does the word “toboggan” always look as if it’s spelled wrong?