Texas senator and Tea Party favorite Ted Cruz has said that “The Democratic Party has become radical and extreme” in its “devotion to mandatory gay marriage.” I applaud the Democrats and I’d like to propose some suggestions for implementing nationwide forced gay marriage:
– Make every citizen turn to the nearest same-sex person and ask, “Will you marry me? It’s the law.”
– When heterosexuals attempt to get married, make the groom marry his Best Man, and the bride marry either her Maid of Honor or her mom. Everyone will have to comply, if they want cake.
– Require all wedding cakes to have little plastic same-sex couples on top. The little plastic couples don’t have to be looking at each other.
– Federal agents should force Ted Cruz, at gunpoint, to marry Mike Huckabee. Which they secretly yearn to do anyway.
– Heterosexual couples should be required to live hidden, fearful lives, and be shamed by their families and clergy. There may be a historical model for this.
– On our nation’s highways, only same-sex couples should be allowed to use the HOV lane.
– If anyone wishes to escape mandatory gay marriage, they may seek asylum inside Ted Cruz’s jowls. There’s plenty of room.