“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

July 12, 2015

Patti LuPone Is My Hero

imageThere’s been all sorts of hubub over people texting and letting their phones ring in theaters. One jerk climbed onto the stage before a performance of the terrific Broadway play Hand to God, and attempted to recharge his phone in a non-working outlet which was part of the scenery. When people managed to track him down via social media, this idiot at first admitted he was drunk but that he didn’t know what the big deal was. Then, after he continued to be attacked online, he issued a carefully worded apology, which sounded as if a publicist had written it. Meanwhile, over at Lincoln Center, an audience member was texting throughout a show, until the sensational Patti LuPone, as part of her exit at the close of the first act, grabbed the phone out of the woman’s hands and left the stage. The House Manager returned the woman’s phone after the show.

This isn’t an issue about millennials versus fogies, or an adjustment to the digital age, because plenty of old people are also using their phones in theaters. It’s simply inexcusable behavior. If you don’t want to watch the play, leave. Using your phone will distract both the actors and your fellow audience members. I only wish that Patti LuPone had stomped on that woman’s phone, or led the audience on an intermission march, to toss the woman and all of her devices into the Hudson.

When I first got a phone, years ago, I was terrified of forgetting to shut it off during a performance. This didn’t happen, but I managed to do something just as bad. A casting call was being held for a play of mine, and the director and I were seated behind a table as actors auditioned for us. Auditioning is a necessary but hideously painful process for the actors involved, and I hate anyone who makes the situation worse. I’d placed my phone on the table, so I’d be sure it wouldn’t ring. I’d miscalculated and, during an actor’s audition, my phone buzzed. I dove for it, and apologized profusely to the actor, but this wasn’t enough: I had just become every asshole I’d ever criticized for being a selfish douchebag with a phone.

This is an easy fix: shut off your phone completely or even better, leave it at home. Nothing in your life is that important. If you’re a surgeon awaiting the news of a possible heart transplant, check your phone at intermission.

P.S. I saw Ms. LuPone in Shows For Days, the play in question, and she is, as always, heavenly. I also met her backstage, for the first time, and she was a joy. Anyone who gets a chance to see Patti LuPone on stage should consider themselves blessed. I’d also be perfectly happy to provide her with a shotgun, to deal with those rude audience members. People would cheer, but then, audiences always cheer for Patti LuPone.

Blognick