“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

June 6, 2014

Shameful Confessions


1. Yesterday, when I saw the Word “Tianamen” online, for a split second I thought that it was referring to an LGBT gender-identification category which I’d never heard of.

2. I truly believe that gelato is just ice cream with motor oil added.

3. The more I read about the situation, the more I’m completely unable to formulate a coherent opinion on the Bowe Bergdahl case. And I’m trying desperately not to base my opinion on the hairstyles of Bergdahl’s creepy parents.

4. I’m beginning to believe that people who militantly refer to themselves as geeks or nerds are the new fascists.

5. While I always at least pretend to appreciate alternate points of view, I see no upside to street fairs. No one needs a fake Peruvian chunky-knit hemp cardigan, or some especially smelly food-on-a-stick, that badly.

6. I watched a news report on dogs being kept in cages at a shelter, and shockingly, none of the dogs made me go “Awww…look at the cute little doggie…” The dogs on this report weren’t sad or mangey, which would’ve made them heartbreaking – they were boring. It was the Olive Garden of animal shelters.

7. Every food is improved immeasureably when it’s eaten while lying down. This is not a shameful confession – this is a fact.

8. I love the mystery of anyone pushing an empty stroller.