1. Anything you create by hand will automatically be superior to a factory-produced item, because it is made with love and because it is so hard to look at.
2. Glue must always be visible, especially on yarn.
3. You can make an adorable piggy bank using a plastic container of Clorox bleach. Use felt for the eyes, a cork for the snout, toothpicks for the legs, and a pipe-cleaner for the pig’s curly tail. Then drink the entire bottle.
4. Anything you make using popsicle sticks will be improved by grimy fingerprints.
5. Creating stained glass panels, with the images of hummingbirds or beautiful butterflies, will catch the light when hung in a window. Of the institution where you’re being held against your will.
6. The wrapping, ribbon and additional mylar embellishments on any gift must weigh at least three times more than the gift itself.
7. As you can see in the images below, any item can become more terrifying if you make it smile.
8. Anything can become an earring, if you force it to.
9. Anything made of ceramic must resemble a mound of something you wouldn’t want to step in.
10. You need that new Martha Stewart hole-punch more than your child needs to go to college.
11. Anything can be improved by being densely covered with glitter, including a sleeping baby.
12. A hand-crocheted hat should always look as if it’s eating the person who’s wearing it.
13. It’s always inspiring to work with found objects, like the CD below. Because it will become just a tiny bit harder for someone to throw out a CD which looks like a fish.
14. Or a paper plate which looks like a pirate:
15. The loveliest word in any language: styrofoam.