“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

March 31, 2014

The Garden State


A few weeks back I had a Shouts and Murmurs piece in The New Yorker which celebrated the sordid glory of my home state, New Jersey. I’ve just received a wonderful note from Greg King, who enclosed an additional Jersey news item:

“After Carmen Reategui, 34, was arrested for DUI in Readington Township, NJ, and was too impaired to drive home, she called Nina Petracca, 23, who arrived at the police station impaired herself (and was arrested for DUI), and both women called Ryan Hogan, 33, to take them home, but he also arrived impaired and was arrested…”

A DUI Trifecta! Thank you, Greg!

New Jersey always has a special perspective on substance abuse. A high school classmate of mine once asked me if he should call the police, because someone had stolen his cocaine stash from his locker. When I tried to gently remind the guy that cocaine possession was also a crime, he looked confused and finally said, “Fuck that shit!”
I don’t know why Fuck That Shit does not appear on the New Jersey license plates.

New Jersey certainly deserves a better Governor than the vile Chris Christie. Christie’s office just released a report on the bridge closings scandal, in which the lawyers Christie appointed declared him innocent of any wrongdoing. This of course made Christie seem even more guilty.

At a recent Republican summit, Christie tried desperately to salvage his Presidential hopes, by saying that his reputation for candor was a real plus. “In New Jersey,” he said, “nobody has to wonder whether I am for them or against them.” Maybe the license plates should read The Vendetta State.

Christie has become the new Sarah Palin. For a microsecond, both seemed appealingly fresh and straightforward. And then both revealed themselves as vicious, paranoid lowlifes – and they’re both proudly opposed to gay marriage.