“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

February 10, 2014

The Manhattan Olympics


This year’s events will include:

Trying to decide which corner of an intersection has the least amount of filthy slush, before putting your foot into it and starting to sink down.

Four friends. Choosing a movie or a restaurant. Points will be awarded for whoever says, “Well, I hate that Mexican place, but I hate it less than the Italian place.”

Convincing the co-op board that the renovations you’re planning are extremely minor, when they will actually take over a year and destroy the building’s elevator. Points will be awarded for saying, “It’s really only a few tiny cosmetic changes, nothing structural.”

Trying to decide whether to get into the elevator with a large dog who doesn’t look friendly.

Peeling off wet socks and trying to decide whether to launder them or throw them out.

Firing your shrink, cleaning person or accountant without feeling like a bad person. Points will be awarded for using the phrases “I will always be grateful”, “in both of our best interests” and “end of an era.”

Eating two very stale Ritz crackers for dinner because it’s too cold to get dressed and go to the store.

Congratulating yourself on remembering to bring your eco-friendly hemp shopping bag to Whole Foods.

Trying to get a waiter’s attention. Points awarded when everyone at the table simultaneously makes the signing-the-imaginary-check-in-mid-air gesture.

Carrying an oversize purse, a canvas tote bag, a gym bag, a rolled-up yoga mat and two plastic bags filled with yogurt and cat food, all while attempting to hail a cab while it’s sleeting, and while trying to ignore the nanny, child and folded-up stroller waiting for a cab on the opposite corner, and then realizing that they’re your nanny and child, and continuing to ignore them anyway.