“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

September 24, 2014

Things I Will Personally Do To Fight Climate Change

Climate-changeI will read portions of articles on climate change and I will feel guilty about not finishing them, because I needed to read that nearby article about the high school teacher who was having sex with practically the entire class of graduating seniors.

I will tell my imaginary grandchildren that climate change only happened because of the way they treat me, unlike those wonderful imaginary grandchildren next door, who treat their imaginary grandfather like a treasure.

After I use any of the toilets at Leonardo DiCaprio’s estate, I won’t flush.

Yesterday I walked fifteen blocks in midtown, due to the traffic tie-ups caused by the President’s visit, to address the UN regarding climate change. The plan is working!

I will recycle my rage by aiming it at people on bicycles.

I will water my plants with my tears.

I will use the online version of Facebook instead of the more wasteful printed edition.