I will read portions of articles on climate change and I will feel guilty about not finishing them, because I needed to read that nearby article about the high school teacher who was having sex with practically the entire class of graduating seniors.
I will tell my imaginary grandchildren that climate change only happened because of the way they treat me, unlike those wonderful imaginary grandchildren next door, who treat their imaginary grandfather like a treasure.
After I use any of the toilets at Leonardo DiCaprio’s estate, I won’t flush.
Yesterday I walked fifteen blocks in midtown, due to the traffic tie-ups caused by the President’s visit, to address the UN regarding climate change. The plan is working!
I will recycle my rage by aiming it at people on bicycles.
I will water my plants with my tears.
I will use the online version of Facebook instead of the more wasteful printed edition.