“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

October 22, 2014

Things To Yell At People Riding Bicycles Who Ignore Red Lights and Stop Signs and Almost Hit You

62518-print1. “Go back to Denmark!”

2. “If you’re riding a bike, why are you still fat?” (This is especially useful when yelled at people who aren’t overweight, because it will destroy their self-esteem.)

3. “Watch out for that….oops!”

4. “Don’t worry, the law doesn’t apply to you, because you’re special! You should be in a special class!”

5. “I LOVE YOU!” (If you sound especially sincere, this will confuse the bicycle rider and make him turn around and then ride into a tree.)

6. “Cool spandex outfit! Flattering!”

7. “A Citibike! Hot!”

8. “Thank you for saving the planet! Asshole!”

9. “That guy stole my bike! Get him!”

10. “You dropped something!”