“Gleefully wacky and irreverent.”

–The New York Times

“Line by line, Mr. Rudnick may be the funniest writer for the stage in the United States today.”

–The New York Times

“Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.”

–Steve Martin

“One of the funniest quip-meisters on the planet.”

–The New York Times

“Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.”

–David Sedaris

“Quips fall with the regularity of the autumn leaves.”

–Associated Press

May 24, 2014

Tips For That Big Job Interview


1. Just before the interview begins, ask to use the restroom. Remove all of your clothing. Then, gesture to show the interviewer that you’ve shaved your pubic hair into the shape of the company’s logo. Smile and say, “Let’s get this party started.”

2. If the interviewer asks why you left your last job, sigh, roll your eyes and say, “Same old, same old. Someone got their femur shattered, someone else got pregnant, someone said the cocaine was half baby powder. He said, she said, yada yada yada. We’ve all been there.”

3. If the interviewer asks about your salary demands, take the interviewer’s hand, look deep into his or her eyes and murmur, “I’d just like to get paid enough to buy a pretty little thing like you somethin’ real nice.”

4. At some point be sure to say, “You should know one thing about me: I’m not a team player. Fuck that shit.”

5. Always be careful to glance around the interviewer’s office and comment, “Whoa – I guess I’m not the only one who could use a better job.”

6. Remember to inquire, “So would I be the first attractive person to work here?”

7. If you’re asked for your resume, start singing either “My Way” or “I’ve Never Been To Me.”

8. At the end of the interview, as you shake the interviewer’s hand, pass them a crisp one dollar bill. Then wink meaningfully and say, “And there’s more where that came from, sweet butt.”